JAILBREAK BLAMED ON SLOPPY JOES AND TWO BAD AIREDALES

(ATBA News Network, 17 March 2015)  Staff at the Fort Osterman Animal Shelter in Fort Osterman, Australia have some explaining to do.

After anticipation had built up for days over the scheduled execution of the criminal Arthur TheBad Airedale,  events have taken an unexpectedly shocking turn with a pungent violence never before seen (or smelled!).

Guards at the shelter had positioned one Hector the Airedale, (a confidant of the notorious thug Calvin th’Airedale) next to Arthur’s cage to be a comfort to the cantankerous dog in his last days.

It was a serious error.

From his gang headquarters, Calvin had been constructing a bold (but messy) plan for some time.  He arranged for large quantities of black beans and cans of Sloppy Joe mixtures to be shipped to Hector as part of a forged veterinarian prescription.  Arthur himself had been kept on a bread and water diet by guards because of his hostile demeanour and attempts to play BITEYFACE with guards' hands.

Hoarding the supplies until two hours before the planned break, the two Dales then gorged on the massive meal.

At the 7 p.m. break time, a shelter guard with a cigarette habit came to that corner of the building to sneak a smoke in private, as he did every night.

Right before he lit the cigarette, the two Dales simultaneously gave off a silent but horribly deadly mixture of powerful and potent methane gas, a faint blue haze.

The flick of the lighter triggered a massive blast that blew the guard across the room, knocked all doors off their hinges, and smashed open all dogs’ cages.

The smoking scene instantly became pandemonium as the guard crawled from the building, eyes watering and with severe nostril burns.

Interviewed later, he exclaimed “There was wiener dogs running off in all directions!  But I knowed that them damned Airedales was behind it.  They’s no danged good at all!”

Officials immediately put Bloodhounds on the trail, but the dogs fainted instantly.

The whereabouts of Hector the Airedale and Arthur TheBad Airedale are unknown, but a price has been posted for their capture.

More updates on this rapidly deteriorating situation to come from the ATBA News Network.