SOLUTION FOUND AS TO WHY HUMANS BEHAVE BADLY

Bipeds Channel Their Inner Airedale

(ATBA NEWS NETWORK)  A team of geneticists, art historians, palaeontologists, psychologists, idiots, and other social scientists have discovered why certain famous people behave VERY badly:  they are Airedales wearing human suits.

Art historians were the first to spot the pattern when they came upon an extremely rare woodcut of Vlad the Impaler, Count Dracula.  The official portraits of Vlad had always seemed calm and dignified to scholars, a trait which seemed incompatible with someone reputed to have impaled hundreds of people on sharpened wooden stakes.

It seems that the real story was much stranger:  Vlad was far more monstrous than previously thought.  The horrific original woodcut that all others had come from - but been changed because of its frightening nature - revealed that his name was really “Vlad the ImDaler”:  a vicious Airedale actually inside his body, while he wore a mask to hide his true nature:

Historians began to see a pattern when looking at other badly behaving villains.  Josef Stalin had all copies burned of an image after he was photographed during a high blood pressure attack - but one negative survived.  It shows his remarkably vicious nature:

Current sociologists recently picked up on the phenomena in Hollywood celebrities who love to lay on their backs and expose themselves:

Even political scientists have noticed the increasingly popular trend for asshats intent on becoming President.

Doomsday scientists predict that given these trends, nearly two billion AireDales wearing human suits will roam the planet by the year 2025, raising ocean levels because of excessive peeing on damn near everything.

Archaeologists are not surprised.  They already knew from The Big BACON Theory that everything in the Universe was created from when DoG fried up the first rash of BACON and the grease overheated and popped, creating our existence.  Ever since then, the Creation has evolved from its archaic beginnings, with one wing developing into beings who pursue goodness and knowledge, and the other wing pursuing chaos and really tough squeaky toys and and the Holy Grail of BACON, which is rumoured to be located on a dirty roof top outside of Cleveland, Ohio.